That if he has a label that accurately describes how his brain works and how he's feeling that he should feel free to use it. But he still has a little seed planted - that maybe he's making this all up to protect himself from other, more complex traumas. Going over the last twenty-five years in just a half second, however, only helps him solidify the validation from the people he met and read from online. His school years had been absolute hell because he didn't know how to talk to people.
Still, he learned just enough social skills in just the right time to talk Geoff and Otto into rehearsing songs for Waterparks when he was still that gawky year-old who still lived with his parents.
He learned just enough ways to mask that he could hide his He perfected being normal enough for everyone around him - just an excitable, erratic guy with a lot of strange interests and a stranger sense of humor. He doesn't like dwelling on it.
He has her blocked everywhere, has the people who still talk about her muted. He has her completely out of his life and he's no longer angry but he does feel a shred of disappointment. She made it so hard to not be himself around her, and then when he was, when she assured him that he could stim and vent and just be around her, she told him to do better.
And he realizes now, a few years later, that just because she didn't call him "retarded" doesn't mean she wasn't ableist as fuck. It doesn't mean she didn't help cultivate it in himself, doesn't mean she didn't help him further internalize it. After their break up, he was too emotionally drained to hide his more frequent breakdowns, but that didn't stop him from trying to. But we also knew you wanted to be alone. In the long run, it hurt you less than if we'd barged in on your space. All of it leads up to today.
To right now. He's wearing a red sweater on purpose. He's picking his nails under his desk, tearing off the polish so he doesn't create hangnails instead.
His leg bounces. He wants to rock but he doesn't want to worry the viewers. He wants to hum, wants to wail from how anxious he is but he doesn't want a noise complaint. High ceilings won't change that. First, he has sixty in the stream. Then he has two hundred. It jumps up to a thousand, and it's at this point that he knows there's no going back.
He reads some of the comments. Mostly hello and I love you and variations thereof. He knows they don't really love him, but he remembers being in their place. He remembers loving the idea of someone, the perception of someone, so much that it almost convinced him it was really love. He doesn't fault them for admiring him, but they only really want the version of him that he keeps presenting.
April Awsten Knight is about to incriminate himself for life. At least, that's what the darker part of his brain is saying. His mind briefly wanders to how the label will react to this as he pretends to fiddle on his laptop.
He has the keypad out, playing with some goofier sounding synths while the viewers settle into a happy medium. Maybe they'll try to market off of his brain. Maybe they'll ignore it and be unaccommodating shitheads.
The way they have been this whole contract. He kind of wants to say it out loud. Once the game of 'pretending to work on music related things' has become boring, he faces the camera. It feels too much like eye contact, so he lowers his gaze ever so slightly. He taps the screen to silence the comments, because he's a little too scared to be looking at them right now.
He stares at his desk, then back at his phone. It's sort of now or never. It's nothing bad, it's just on my- well actually it's in- " he stops himself. He's already stumbling over his words.
And like, I don't speak for anyone by saying this, so if you have a differing opinion about being- about this thing I'm talking about, y'know that's fine, it's chill with me.
He doesn't notice that he's started rocking, but he can't stop himself once he does. It's so subtle, barely there, but he knows they'll see everything. They're like sniffer dogs- no, sniffer puppies. Of course they'll see everything they can about their 'favorite. God, wait- that's not to sound like I've been super depressed or anything, because I don't wanna air out too much shit but like I sorta learned something about me that I didn't wanna really talk about?
And it's not something I've verified with like a professional or anything. But, uh He feels like an actor. The best actor, sitting right there in his apartment. The best actor about to give the most jaw-dropping speech, about to leave the audience angered or excited or inspired, or perhaps some other intense emotion. Well, I guess I've felt it this whole time, but like I have- I know the words for it now.
I'm autistic. The regret is beginning to sink in now. He ends the live before he can check anything, then shuts off Instagram and immediately goes to his contacts to call Jawn.
They'll watch something together while he avoids Twitter and Instagram for a few hours. The rational side of his brain is telling him that they'll all be supportive, that they'll all be accepting.
The emotionally rattled side of him is telling him that he needs to use his phone as little as he possibly can. Plain text with limited HTML? Main Content While we've done our best to make the core functionality of this site accessible without javascript, it will work better with it enabled. Get an Invitation. Notes: big big big big big disclaimer that this is a projection onto a characterization of my comfort person.
Listen live on Tuesdays at 3 AM on Cleveland's Join hosts Anney and Samantha to listen to Stuff Mom Never Told You, continuing the conversation of what it is to identify as female through research-based discussion around feminism and how it impacts everyday life. Awsten Knight of Waterparks and Travis Riddle of nothing lovingly read and review sweet bedtime stories in the form of Waterparks fanfiction.
Amanda invites YOU to her slumber party Each week Amanda will focus on a listener question or a unique guest that helps parents navigate their common sleep concerns for their babies and children. Amanda is a certified infant and child sleep specialist bringing her humorous, real and unique brand of sleep advice for the modern, busy, and active Drop into the middle of raw and honest conversations about love, sex, family, heartbreak, and how we define ourselves in and out of relationships.
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A horror movie discussion podcast. Join me and my great friends on our random adventures. It's like a slumber party, but it's not Lights off? Flashlight on? Join hosts Alli and Kathryn Ormsbee as they discuss all things macabre, supernatural, and bone-chilling. Each week, the gals delve into a creeptastic theme, ranging from the supernatural to true crime to lore and urban legends.
If you're looking for a good time, slip into your jammies and dial us up! Starring Demosthenes and Valerie "the Space Cowboy" staysolid. Earth's only supernatural slumber-party-style call-in show. A weekly Horror Podcast hosted by genre fanatics Mitch, Kyle and Buzi covering everything from open Horror based discussions, film recommendations, reviews, commentaries, news and more!
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Nathan and Brendan discuss truly awful movies while trying to keep their sanity in tact. Full disclosure: We may be in love with the movies we deem terrible. New episodes uploaded every Thursday!
Logo created by Mariah Lirette. Theme song by Taylor Sheasgreen of the Motorleague. An action movie podcast. Three friends tackling the world of cinema one movie genre at a time. From the laughs, the tears and the groans Join Adam Slasher movie tragic , Jared Superhero aficionado , Gibbo Action specialist and Matty Deep thinker as they dissect and discuss the good, the bad and the ugly of action and horror cinema.
Directed by Amy Rice By the People: The Election of Barack Obama , the documentary follows the life and career of the year-old digital icon—from the first video he uploaded in as a freshman at Michigan State—to his sold-out Slumber Party tour.
We find a movie one of us has never seen, and discuss. A traumatized woman reluctantly returns to her dying hometown to find the stoner friends she abandoned are hooked on a strange new drug — with bizarre, seemingly supernatural qualities.
Learn more at www. From , Sassy was the coolest magazine going for Gen-X teens. Cole for a deep dive into every one of its 80 glorious issues and remember what it was like hanging out with Jane, Christina, Catherine, Karen, and the whole crew, learning What Now, What Next, and so much more!
Tyrus and Timpf give their hot takes, explore weird headlines and share amusing stories. It covers all things bachelor, from weekly recaps of the shows, to social media drama, and future predictions. Definitely First Blood is a weekly Horror Movie Podcast hosted by Mitch and Christopher, each week we talk about a different film, find out if it '6 Degrees of Jamie Lee's and we learn about the movies, we learn about each other, but mostly we learn nothing at all while drinking boxed wine.
The Storyteller Squad is a tabletop roleplaying game actual play podcast. The cast uses the Monster of the Week game system for our first campaign.
Join our group of heroic monster hunters, as they discover the magic, mystery, and fantastic characters who populate the supernatural world of our story. A monthly horror podcast brought to you by the Spinsters of Horror! Play Pause. Play later. Listen as the coven discuss some breaking dawn Twilight news like Kristen Stewart's engagement, Taylor Lautner's engagement and Robert Pattinson's lack of engagement.
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Real Talk: Find out why boys break your furniture, but girls break your spirit. Scott is back to do a solo episode. Nicole is busy with work event, so Scott has to carry the team today. He recaps to 1 on 1 dates and a Group date. Gives his opinions and also the some of Nicoles. By Scott Picard and Nicole Smith. We're chatting to Vampire Slumber Party about why he decided to move back to London from South Africa and asked him to compare the music scene in England with the South African music scene.
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Real Talk: Tyrus expresses the importance of teaching children to speak their minds.
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